Writing is something I have enjoyed all my life. It is an art. Today, I will showcase two pieces from 2008. The purpose of this is to show the world that my demented thoughts aren’t something new. The most important thing I can teach young writers is to express your feelings no matter what the consequences are. Many people fear the outcome, but by holding your opinions in, you are denying the world of your thoughts and feelings, and this is a great injustice to you as a human and an act of cowardice as bad as suicide. Without further adieu, here are the two pieces from 2008. One is a top 10 list about why I hate ESPN, the second is a list of 25 random thoughts. This display is my way of saying, I was too busy and lazy to write new shit for yall, so here you go………

Thing That Grind My Gears

WHY SCOTT MULLIN HATES ESPN
A Riveting Editorial by Jersey’s Sexpot, Scott Mullin

TOP 10 REASONS WHY SCOTT MULLIN HATES ESPN

10. You know who’s bunk Tony Kornheiser. That guy’s a whiny douche. WAH! WAH! WAH! His Buddy, fellow Sport’s reporter, Michael Wilbom or however you spell is name is just as bunk. If I wanted to hear two people argue over stupid shit, I’d go to a restaurant with Joey L and Mikon, order an Hor’Derve for myself, have the waiter put it on their tab, and hear them bitch about who’s paying what. The only reason why those 2 Sport reporters have that gig is because Mitch Albom and Bob Ryan have self respect and do not blow.
9. Monday Night Football. Jesus Christ! It’s more like Monday Night Dicksuck!!! I was watching a game where Aaron Rodgers was tearing shit up. They were sucking his cock so much, I had to change the channel just so cum wouldn’t get all over the fucking carpet. Thank God Wrestling’s on the USA network at the same time. I swear, seeing dudes in trunks is a lot less queer then the Monday Night Crew liking how Tim Hightower has grown up, as a player and a man.
8. ESPN Hoops – first things first, all games have this in common, Phoenix, San Antonia, LA Lakers, Boston Celtics, or Cleveland Cavs – none of the teams I have players for, but what makes the NBA crew shitty is the Anti-Detroit-ness. God does Mark Jackson ever so anti-Piston. Just hearing his commentary makes me pissed. I swear, I get more pissed listening to Mark Jackson talking shit about the Pistons than Carn does making cookies with Harraf. Josh too. We both hate that Dicksuck Mark Jackson. I swear, If the Piston’s won 248 – 87 against Cleveland, Mark Jackson would still talk shit. Rip could find a cure for AIDS and Sheed could fix the auto problem and Jackson could still talk shit.
7. Peter Gammonds – He’s sooooooo-Anti-Tiger and pro BoSoxs it makes me sick. His teeth are more yellow than the stripes down the Lion’s Defenses’ back
6. The Espys – Dudes watch ESPN as an escape to get away thier women telling them how they want to hook up with Justin Timberlake, Josh Hartnett, Ashton Kutcher, Scott Mullin, and James Franco. So what does ESPN do????? Bring them full stage for un-funny shtick. It’s like C’Mon!!! Best play of the year??? Fuck you ESPN, The Best play is the one that wins the championship, not the one where Trey Wingo gets to shout, “Make it Rain!”
5. TV Shows and Movies??? Playmakers, Suck My Cock!!!
4. Suzy Kolber??? She’s decent looking, but she aint no Pam Oliver(Whom by the way, The Detroit New’s Own, ROB PARKER used to bone) or Jillian Barbierri-Reynolds. Don’t get me wrong, If Kolber was like, Mullin, “your hot,Let’s Fuck!” I’d definitely bone her, but not If I had to be at work in 30 minutes. If Pam Oliver was like, “Scott, Let’s Scrump” I’d be all over that raw ass, but Kolber, I’d prolly set an appointment for after I punch out from my work shift.
3.The X-Games – Snowboards, skateboards, I’m Bored. If I wanted to see fuckers get extreme, Id do some meth and run around with a freaking hammer. There could be other shit on ESPN then the X-Gay-mes, like I dunno, the Fantasy Sports show with Matt Buser and that asshole Brandon Funston or even some more highlights with no douchebag commentary perhaps, how bout that.
2. Sportscenter – MAKE ME SICK – It’s an hour of hearing 2 white dicksuckers seeing a cool play and making a rap or shitty movie quote after the play is done. When I see a player get paralyzed on the field, I want to hear humility, seriousness, and the straight up facts and not, “YEAH BABY! YEAH! That’s a Hum-dingity-Dinger” or, “Ouch, That Will Leave a Mark” ESPN has turned simple highlights into a comedy show. I want highlights, stats, truth. Listen, I am a WWE Mark. I go to the shows, I watch the shows, I subscribe to the Magazine, but I do not want to see that freakshow while I am watching Sportscenter, so why must I have to see UFC highlights. At least WWE is scripted and rehearsed. UFC is just 2 dudes trying to kill each other and the only fans are White Trash and Carn wishing one opponent was him and the other opponent was Harraf’s mother. (Yeah, Dog’s not a fan of Harf, lol) Anywho, ESPN, I do not need to watch Sportscenter to find out that GNR’s New Album, “Chinese Democracy” comes out on Sunday, however, I need to know why, WHY, Allen Iverson left the game early, or how many yards Calvin Johnson Caught. I want Numbers about the game, and not pop-culture. FUCK YOU VERY MUCH!!!
1. Stewart Scott – What is wrong with your eye man. I swear, next time I see you say, Wham-A-Lam-A-Ding-Dong next time I see my boy, Kevin Durant Dunk, I will punch you in your good eye just to see your tarded eye quit wondering you stupid SON OF A BITCH!!! Just gimme the numbers and not Lil Wayne Album references. BITCH

That is why I hate ESPN!!!

Top 25 weekly facts

1. I am wearing my Calvin Johnson jersey with pride tonight. The Lions played with hunger and with all around excellence. In my book, this game against Minnesota was the beginning of greatness. A Detroit Superbowl is sooner than later. Sorry to have ever doubted the Motor City kitties.

2. The 2 greatest oprphans of all time were Ric Flair and Chef Boyardee. Ric is pro wrestling. Chef Boyardee is canned food. I feel like heating up some Beefaroni and watching the Ric DVD set. Whoooooooo.

3. When Zack and Miri make a porno, people laugh. When Scotty makes one, people don’t really laugh. What the heavans?

4. Why is it that whenever on the sidelines, white football players wear their caps backwards and brothas wear it normal?

5. John McCain’s youngest grandson is a Detroit Tiger’s legend. You may know him by his real name, Ernie Harwell.

6. Yo dudes, when you were watching the v p debates, did you ever wonder what kind of panties Sarah Palin was wearing when the cameraman took that back shot of her. I betcha a black thong, medium, from Kohls, cotton, buy one get one for half off, the other one she picked out were bikini briefs, most like leopard print, also medium, poly-cotton blend, 3rd one down on the display.

7. What’s up with Burger King? When they make the fucking whopper, do the intentionally put all of the mayo and lettuce around the fucking sandwich instead of in the middle.

8. I’m kidding. Olandis Gary does a good job making my BK delights.

9. I hate it when people from work see me outside of work and tell me how diffeent and good I look in street clothes. What the fuck do you think I normally look like? It’s like cmon……..Man-pretty here, ya know???

10. If I hear a car blasting Coldplay in a parking lot, I am going to assume that the driver is a dicksuck.

11. I can’t drive. Winners get shouffered around town.

12. John McCain can not find Osama Bin Laden. He can not even find the dude boning his wife……..psst. It’s the Phoenix Suns!

13. I bought the new Colbie Caillat album. I threw out the CD and kept the cd insert as “Hardware” for my pre-showers. Her songs are garbage.

14. Whenever I get mad at a chick, I do not yell at them. I call up thier parents and describe to them thier daughter’s vagina.

15. Once a week, I write down a list of 30 things that need to be done on that day. It is called “Project Badass”

16. Lion’s D made Gus Frerotte into a bitch today, and I am proud!

17. Joey Leemon has a wicked dome of a scalp, and all of Jersey loves seeing it.

18. My favorite part about living with my best friend C and my big buddy Josh is that I get to share with them some of my favorite foods and shows. Carnage is starting to check out that King of the Hill and SNL while eating biscuits and Joshua Tree is starting to watch Its Always Sunny and enjoys a good Marie Calender’s Lasagna. Wait till I blow thier minds with Viva La Bam and Quizno Clam Chowder.

19. Most amazing stat – Michael Phelps, President Bush, and Jared Allen all have DUIs and Double D has none. WOW.

20. If you combined the Jersey and NY rosters, 30 percent or more has been nabed for it.

21. You know what would be a sweet wrestling move name. The DWI – Driven With Intensity.

22. Have you noticed that when around a bunch of bigger dudes, a dude on the cell phone will start swearing more. Prolly to look more badass. I do not swear on the phone. Badasses don’t need to prove shit.

23. People with facial moles are never ever assholes to me. If they are, I will point and just scream out, “MOLE!!!”

24. I know 3 fetishes that do not exist. Mole Fetish, Dandruff Fetish, and lighter to the testicles. Trust me, I tested that market.

25. I love all animals except cockroaches and the crotch lice, especially the ones on Bethany Gugglins on 4312 Harvey Street in Marquette Michigan, that smelly prostitute.